I don't know

What do I want???What am I seeking????

I don’t know... It’s usually my answer...at times the only answer I have to everything....”I don’t know”

Often what I thought I know had been different from what I know. I thought I never knew what I want, but then I guess I know...

I want to find liberation. Somewhere, deep down inside I feel gripped. I feel I am not free. I feel I am weighed down and I am not doing what I really want to do. Sometimes I feel there is more to me and I will never know myself because my soul is trapped. I don’t know what the trap is but I feel it when I avoid encountering what I should do.

I feel it when I don’t stand out for myself... I feel it when I allow myself to be blamed for things I did not mess up... I feel it most when I am convinced that I am not worthy of greatness...

I cannot bear to live in this trap....I want to break free! 

A new beginning!

Thoughts pouring in...to flow away all strings of yesterday and to search a newfangled  start...to wash away everything and open up, to a fresh, brighter day...

Surrounded by optimism...standing in the sunlight filled castle... opening to the fresh breeze....to start a new, relaxing journey...

No alarms of emotional disclose...no old reminiscences and desires...marks of yesterday made on sand are wiped... forgetting the aged aroma and buzzing... Welcoming this new, undiscovered turn...

Moments of cheerfulness abide on high twigs...life is waiting to fly high and pluck them all...

The birds of imagination are all set to wing in blueish freedoms, with new tunes to hum to...

A new opening is ahead...waiting for me to hold the clouds in my hands...and pouring the drops of hope and fulfilment over me!!!

Mental Chatter...

What’s is my lifes’ challenge? Whom do I have to fight against?  What do I have to win over? What are the rules? What is needed to pass? What is this “Secret about Everything?” Until I know the rules, how can I prepare to win?

I didn’t know the rules of friendships and I had lost. I dint know the rules of relationships and I had lost. I didn’t know the rules of business and I had lost. I didn't know the rules of life and I was losing big time....

If only someone had told me the rules to create a beautiful relationship, I would have done everything in my power to create one. If someone had told me the rules building a professional empire, I would have expended my energy day and night in building it.

But no one told me...I guess no one knew...

We all had experienced the smirk on the face of failure:” You will fail.” So did I, I failed; just like every one of us did.... Often, while attempting any task, there is a fear of failure, hanging overhead, like a double edged sword, mocking us in anticipation of our defeat, making defeat so very certain...

Failure is just a choice we make consciously or unconsciously. Accidents and setbacks...all scream one truth...lack of understanding... A wrong understanding of success, opportunity and work is the onset of failure. Though marginal of us choose to fail, the majority that fall short is merely a result of making poor choices or having a meagre outlook. Failure is fatal however choosing to Quit after a breakdown is a sin!

If you aren’t achieving, the first person you should always look to...is yourself.

Why me...Try me!

Smooth roads never make good drivers!

Smooth sea never makes good sailors!

Clear Skies never make good pilots!

Problem free life never makes a strong & good person!

Be strong enough to accept the challenges of life.

Don’t ask Life

“Why me?”

Instead say

“Try Me!”

Came across the above quote while randomly scrolling between the pages....Instantly, the last few lines got stuck in my head...

“Why me....Try me!”

How content we feel while we read this. How empathetic to our own selves...

But are we really the chosen ones? Are we the only one life is throwing its challenge at? Are we that special ugly duckling?

I looked around, not literally though, and realized we all share the same fate. It’s only that we don’t realise for others. Sometimes we are so embarrassed with our own fallacies that we hide behind the curtain of fake sophistication and lose out on the compassion that we share can and receive from each other. 

Emotional Intelligence...Revisited!!!

I usually wonder , how often I get stuck to a single word or a single thought....n then there’s just scratching... scratching ...  and scratching....d thought scratching me or I scratching the thought!!!

Why do we always want an answer before long?...Why does delay frustrate us??? How wise is it to engage our logical and analytical mind without allowing any space for our intuition to dwell? In this process, aren’t we restraining our prospective to visualize by killing the thrill that comes from wonder, doubt and curiosity???

Thesaurus says, Void means - emptiness, undefined space or nothingness... Sounds interesting!  Seems it’s an exceptionally exigent place to live...counter to our continued existence!!! This potentially rich, vacant room, “the void,” can only be if we let it to be! But why would we need it??? After all, it’s a HARD gap...

It’s always safe to have the answers nevertheless; giving room for the unfamiliar is like giving breakthroughs in our consciousness. This vague space, where we feel most weak, is where we find our true power!

We dislike being in a state of uncertainty and are bound to solve all dilemmas, and...move on! We often get harassed for explanations, justification and evidence by our logical instinct much before we even think to act on our intuition...Yet our instinctive psyche invites us to trust our innovative zone that has no predefined answers. It leads us... one awareness at a time...in a direction we might never have imagined...and to places we never knew existed.

We are conditioned to let the logical intelligence rule our lives.  Hence, we miss the opportunity of getting out of a groove to take up a new path.  We follow the same old disturbing patterns. Instead, we can pause in the void to allow room for a new creation.  Though, it is uncomfortable to hold this undefined space yet, it is critical to choose to NOT KNOW much enough to profoundly pin our ears back to our intuitive signals.  While doing so, we will get the spiritual directions that guide us on a path less predictable... more magical!

Another us!

Often we judge our own words, actions and intentions, and then assume that others judge us in the same way. We kid ourselves by thinking what they think about us...'They are another 'us' and are thinking the same thing.
So.....we are a planet full of people thinking what others think about us and losing out our own thought for their own life and purpose....That's indeed funny!

The illation of our actions is in our head. Its load make no difference to anyone...Its even worse than judging others....However, both doesn't matter!

Desire!!!

Last evening, under the shelter of a healthy discussion, I was asked,What's your heart's desire....
For a moment...I was all blank...jumbled and confused. Not even a single thought crossed my mind. I 'managed' to escape from the situation giving some lame reply however, I got a hit!. Later that evening, I googled it, with a 'great' idea of picking one from other's 'desires list' or in the process, I may confront my own. But then, all i could gather was disappointment. After all the fiasco, I suddenly found myself webbed in hopelessness. I started considering the absence of my heart's desire as despair and despondency.
Is it the recent heartbreak and handful of broken dreams which had brought me to such state...desire seemed a foreign idea...Surrounded by such conceptions, I lay back with closed eyes, just introspecting...
Of suddenly I felt a desire...to have a cup of my favourite sugar-less adrak chai. Sipping it, I had yet another one....a walk under the moon-lit sky...and then...,'I wanted everything'...All goodness the world had to offer... abundance at its fullest. I wanted fame in all its glory...wealth in all its sanity. I wanted more opportunities to express my talent...A desire to expand with universe...to grow beyond the boundaries of growth. I desired love with no conditions...without restrictions....love for the sake of love...I wanted everything.
Suddenly, the hopelessness and despair all disappeared. I felt ignited...alive. I felt, I was home.
I could feel the chill..not because of the Delhi winters n recent rain..It was the sheer thrill of being alive...the sudden ability I experienced, to desire and dare to design a beautiful world for myself!!!